"Lazy Susan" by Westward Ho

            (Two dandies hurry through winding alleys.)

MAUVE

You have to see her.  She’s a sight.

HALLWARD

Apparently.

MAUVE

You think I’m mad.  This way, Hallward.  This way.

HALLWARD

But, Mauve?  After all these years:  why her?

MAUVE

You don't know my Susan.  Her trajectory is . . . unlike another.

HALLWARD

For your sake, I hope.

MAUVE

Brace yourself.

            (Lights come up on a turntable.  SUSAN sits in the middle of it.  Her dress is
            conservative, tasteful, lovely.  But she cannot hold it together.  She goes round
            and round.)

SUSAN

Diabolicum, joram, garlicum . . .

            (She vomits profusely.)

MAUVE

’See what I mean?

HALLWARD

Madam, I congratulate you on winning my friend.

            (SUSAN goes round and round.)

            THE END

Play Fragment III: The Starfish and the Octopus

            (Found on a pot by Mrs. Ho.  Typewritten on onion skin.)

[STARFISH?]: . . . are stronger.

OCTOPUS:  I can reach long and pluck a . . .
crest of a wave.

STARFISH:  I can grind a clam to powder.

OCTOPUS:  I can wave my arms about.

STARFISH:  Your arms are easily ripped.

OCTOPUS:  I have eyes and expressions.  I am . . .

Play Fragment II: "Hanging Around Like a Garden"

            (Found on a pot by Mrs. Ho.  Typed on onion skin.)

[ATTHIS?]: . . ., it is high time that you left for your . . .

. . . till hanging around like a garden in Bab[---?] . . .

[?]: . . . leave you, Atthis?  For you are like . . .
. . . [gol]den apple that clings to a golden tree. [. . .]

[ATTHIS?]: . . .[kn]ow you don’t listen.  But what I really . . .
. . . is some lovely wool that has come o[?] . . .
. . . [?]re have dyed it a lovely shade of . . .
. . . if I could not sit here and spin [. . .]

Play Fragment I: "What Clams Are"

            (Found on a pot by Mrs. Ho.  Handwritten in red ink on yellow lined paper.)

[GEORGE?]:  . . . too.

SALLY:  I have to ask my father . . .

before.  I must take care lest s[---]. . .

GEORGE:  Talk, talk, talk.  Let . . .

there’s a cannon aboard; and I’m . . .

SALLY:  Oh, George; the . . .

GEORGE:  I mean them. . . . 

SALLY:  That’s what you of[fer?] . . .

men have offered to give me . . .

you’re the one to trust.

GEORGE:  Faith.  Like m[---] . . .

Like the faith of the clam . . .

SALLY:  What clams are . . .