"Butch Gardens, Episode 22" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (A large cube.  FOOFEE enters the cube.  Seeing no one, she produces a cloth
            and begins to clean.  Lusty Alsatian music.)

            (ANNIE walks in.)

ANNIE

            (Calling out)
Lonnie?

FOOFEE

Don’t you know she’s dead?

ANNIE

No . . . !  We had a little fight . . . !

            (FOOFEE clucks her tongue.)

                 ANNIE (Continued)

What are you doing?

FOOFEE

 Cleaning.  This cube is our home now.  I might as well make it nice.

            (Outside the cube, all is smoke and wist.  Amongst the ether-alleys, the
            PANTHER LADY snarls and pounces her way to another cube.)

            END OF EPISODE 22.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 21" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (It is getting late.)

ANNIE

Where’s Lonnie?

GEORGETTE

But I don’t understand why all the planes crashed.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

            (Awaking)
Don’t you?  She must have a big magnet---

GEORGETTE

Big enough to suck Grace into a plane and convince her to fly?

GRACE

I never flew before---

GEORGETTE

We never took a plane to Orlando---

GRACE

Indiatlantic---

GEORGETTE

---before.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Strong magnet.

ANNIE

Where’s Lonnie?

FOOFEE

But there are still unanswered questions:  why us?  Why these particular women:  one, a lithe womanservant---

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Another, a sleepy old royal---

GRACE

Then a couple of grayheads---

ANNIE

And an ordinary couple---where’s Lonnie?

FOOFEE

Why us?

            (At ELINOR RADLEY’s beck, the PANTHER LADY rises and starts closing
            banana leaves, like curtains, around the clearing.)

ELINOR RADLEY

Yyyaaawww . . . It’s getting late.  What do you think, Panther Lady? beddy-bye?

            (She settles in the leaves for a snooze.  The COUNTESS is already asleep.  The
            PANTHER LADY kindles a fire.)

ANNIE

Really . . . where’s Lonnie . . . ?

FOOFEE

So many questions . . .

            (The PANTHER LADY’s yellow eyes dart.  She throws something ambergrissy
            onto the pyre.  Sputter sputter spurt.  Fumes.  They all get hazy.)

            END OF EPISODE 21.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 20" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (ELINOR RADLEY is enthralling the masses---except for LONNIE, who is
            caught by an anaconda somewhere, and COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE, who
            dozes.)

ELINOR RADLEY

As I was telling you, my father was the hypocritical entrepreneur Boo Radley, who wanted a son but got me.  And, somehow, in his business dealings, he bought half the Amazon.  He intended to tear it down to grow hops---but died too soon.  But not before he had lost all his possessions with the click of a roulette wheel in Monte Carlo.

            (The COUNTESS wakes up.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

            (Snorting)
I remember!  I was there!

            (She falls back asleep.)

ELINOR RADLEY

But he didn’t really lose everything, you see; because he retained a small plot of land.  Not small, really---a million acres jammed with orchids and sloths.  It started as a lesbian amusement park.  Not really, though.  At first, it was a home for blind lesbians founded by Susan B. Anthony’s grand-niece:  the Susan B. Anthony Home for Blind Lesbians, I believe.  But everyone called it “Butch Gardens” because of the flowers that grew and because of a statue of Susan in a particularly mannish pose.

            (The COUNTESS raises her head.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Was she scratching her balls?

ELINOR RADLEY

            (Incredulously)
No.  Her legs were just wide
 
            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE falls back asleep.)

                  ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

With a name like “Butch Gardens,” it was only natural that---with the craze in the 1960s---the place became an amusement park.  And a lesbian amusement park, because who but lesbians would vacation in the Amazon?  Unfortunately, lesbians have no money, though; so no one came.

FOOFEE

What about indigenous lesbians?

            (ELINOR RADLEY glares for a second, then shrugs.)

ELINOR RADLEY

A fair question.  Some of them might have come; I don’t care.  But the high-stakes lesbians didn’t, because they were too poor.  Only the ultra-rich lesbians.  And there aren’t many.  Just me.

            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE snorts awake.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

I also came!  I especially liked the pavilion where you could gut your own fish.

ELINOR RADLEY

You were there, I remember.  But not often enough.  So there was no revenue; and the place closed.

GEORGETTE

This story is interesting but seems to meander.

FOOFEE

Like the River Meander.

            END OF EPISODE 20.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 19" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (GRACE raises her arm and rises as one converted.)

GRACE

It’s my turn!  My turn!

            (GEORGETTE tugs at her.)

GEORGETTE

Sit back down!

GRACE

I’ll tell about our time in the WAC---!

GEORGETTE

Not now, Grace---

            (GRACE sits back down.)

ELINOR RADLEY

            (Glaring)
If there are no further interruptions, I’ll tell you the story of “Butch Gardens.”

            (The PANTHER LADY begins again at the tom-toms.)

                  ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

            (Stopping her)
Stop it!  I’ve had enough rhythm!

            (The PANTHER LADY, embarrassed, turns away and licks her paws.)

            END OF EPISODE 19.