"Sequel to a Writing Party" by Westward Ho

            (A cold and stormy castle.  Night.  Thunder and lightning.)

            (Enter THE SHELLEYS and LORD BYRON.)

PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY

Here we are, the Shelleys!

LORD BYRON

And Lord Byron!

PERCY SHELLEY

After a day of reckless sailing, I need to unwind.

BYRON

What shall we do, Percy Bysshe?

MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT SHELLEY

Bysshe . . . Bysshe . . . Bysshe . . .

PERCY SHELLEY

A writing party it is!

(He whips out a sheet of paper)

Look what I did!  A young genius!  There’s a ruler of a civilization; but now he’s a carving!

BYRON

Here, here! 

MARY SHELLEY

Bysshe . . .

BYRON

And I’ve composed a tome about King Arthur —

PERCY SHELLEY

That’s Tennyson. You’re Byron.

BYRON

Well, who doesn’t get us confused?

PERCY SHELLEY

And, Mary — 

MARY SHELLEY

Bysshe, my dear? 

PERCY SHELLEY

What have you done? 

MARY SHELLEY

Oh, I only write at my husband’s prodding. 

PERCY SHELLEY

Don’t be shy, lovey.  Last time, you wrote that novella about Prometheus.

MARY SHELLEY

Did I tell you there’s more? 

BYRON

            (Delightedly amazed)

No! 

MARY SHELLEY

Yes.  In the part you read, the creature recites from Goethe and gets killed in an ice flow.  Well, it turns out that the creature isn’t dead.  He comes back and forces the doctor to make a wife for him.  But she’s all chicken-like and Egyptian-looking; so the creature blows everyone up!   Can you believe it?

BYRON

            (Delightedly amazed)
No!  Marvelous! 

PERCY SHELLEY

What doesn’t improve with a sequel!

            THE END

"Veranda of Lost Wishes" by Westward Ho

            (At rise, HEDY is fanning herself with the leaf of a palm tree.  She reclines on a
            chaise-lounge.)

HEDY

            (Listlessly)
Life to me is nothing without Bill.

            (She eats a grape.  Enter BILL.  His head is bleeding.)

                 HEDY (Continued)

What has happened to your head?

BILL

            (Slowly)
Blurp . . .

HEDY

Oh my . . . oh my . . .

            (She sings)
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD, BILL?
MAYBE A PIECE OF THREAD WILL SAVE YOU.
I WILL SEW YOU BACK TOGETHER,
ADD A LITTLE LEATHER . . .
            (She stops singing; she strokes BILL’s head gently)
Bill, I wanted you back, but not this way!  Not this way!

            (BILL falls on the ground.  HEDY helps him up.  They stand.  A waltz plays.  The

            veranda turns orange with the rising moon.)

                   HEDY (Continued)

            (Singing)
I LOVE YOU NOW FOREVER.
LET ME ADD A LITTLE LEATHER.
            (She breaks off; softly)
Eat a grape.  Eat a grape.

            (HEDY feeds BILL a grape.  She pretends to slip.  They kiss.)                   

BILL

Blurp . . .

            (Lights fade.)

            THE END

"Betty Grable" by Westward Ho

            (A foaming sea, tempest-tost.  From the waves, a WOMAN rises, huge, with god-
            like gams.  She poses.  Mist.  Birds circle.)

            (The voice of an OLD MAN is heard.  Grainy, recalling.)

THE VOICE OF AN OLD MAN

Betty Grable's legs
Were popsicle sticks,
Stained peachy-red
With the melted blood-ice
Of the War. 

From those fleshy sticks
Could be made log cabins,
Lewd mansions
Where Franklin stoves
Still fueled
Lincoln dreams.

            (Squawk of a bird.  Tide beats against the WOMAN’s giant limbs.)

            THE END

"Lanai Pterodactyls" by Westward Ho

            (MARTINA and OLGA enter.)

OLGA

What is that sound?  I find it distressing.

MARTINA

I hear nothing.

OLGA

Then maybe there is something wrong with your ears.

            (MARTINA breaks a bottle.)

MARTINA

            (Brandishing bottle)
I’ve had enough of you, Olga.

OLGA

Quiet now! 
            (Listening hard) 
In the distance . . . I think it’s a bird.  Or a pterodactyl.

MARTINA

You always hear things!

OLGA

Keep away with that bottle!

            (OLGA slaps at MARTINA.)

MARTINA

He never loved you!  Me --- he loved me!

OLGA

But who won in the end, Martina?  Who won in the end?

            (OLGA pulls the rug out from under MARTINA.  MARTINA falls.)

MARTINA

I am ---

OLGA

You were made for the floor.

MARTINA

--- not beaten.

            (A dog yips.  Lights out.)

           THE END