"Dissolution, Part II"

            (The backroom of Panera Bread.  Writers dispute.)

MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE

You dare question my right to the proceeds from Butch Gardens?

            (The WOMAN IN THE SHADOWS emerges into the light.  She is in 

            her sixties.  A grandchild dangles over her arm in a car seat.)

                   MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE (Continued)

Mrs. Ho, my patron!

            (The women prostrate themselves on the crummy ground.)

MRS. HO

Get up, all of you.  I come to see how Plays:  Short and Strange is going.

MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE

I’m dismissing my writers.  Butch Gardens will be mine again---mine alone.

MRS. HO

Fine.  I don’t care.

            (The baby makes a noise and MRS. HO addresses its troubles.)

MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE

            (To the WRITERS)

Get out of here, all of you!

WRITER 1

What will become of us?

MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE

Sell your organs!

WRITER 3

Mrs. Ho, won’t you help?  Mocha---

            (MRS. HO looks up momentarily from her grandchild.)

MRS. HO

I don’t care.

MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE

You see, when a woman becomes a grandmother, she is no longer concerned with the things of this world.  Good-bye!  Go to Hell!

            (The WRITERS slink off.  WRITER 2 collects crumbs as she goes for a later 

            meal.  When they are gone, MOCHA sits down and turns her attention to her 

            patron.)

                  MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE (Continued)

What brings you here?

            END OF “DISSOLUTION, PART II.”

"Dissolution"

            (Several writers gather in the backroom of Panera Bread.  MOCHA TCHOKHA 

            ROSE rises.)

MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE

And that is why I want to dissolve MTR Studios and go back to writing Butch Gardens myself.

WRITER 2

Because you want money---

MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE

You’re new here and don’t know when to keep quiet.  I want to enhance the integrity of the scripts.  And I want the money---all my money---but don’t talk about it.

            (A WOMAN appears in the doorway.  Shrouded in shadow, she has something 

            slung over her arm.)

WOMAN IN THE SHADOWS

Your money, you say?

            (MOCHA TCHOKHA ROSE’s eyes vomit ire.  WRITERS 1 and 3 quake.  

            WRITER 2 tries to bite her baguette without attracting too much attention.)

            END OF “DISSOLUTION.”

"Butch Gardens, Episode 59" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (LONNIE, FOOFEE, ELINOR RADLEY, and the PANTHER LADY are 

            stalking drug lords.)

LONNIE

I’m worried about Annie---

ELINOR RADLEY

Silence!  Do you want to get us killed?

            (Walking, tracking.  ELINOR RADLEY stops everyone.)

                     ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

Do you hear men up ahead?

            (The women look at each other.  Even the PANTHER LADY has a dumb look 

            behind her whiskers.)

                   ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

Can any of you hear men?

            (Dumb looks.)

FOOFEE

I used to hear my brother Feefoo.  But he was the only one, and he’s dead now.

ELINOR RADLEY

Well, what are we supposed to do?

            (ELINOR RADLEY drops her machete.  The butt end lands on the PANTHER 

            LADY’s paw.  She yowls.)

                    ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

Do you want them to hear us?

PANTHER LADY

            (Hissing)

If we can’t hear them, what makes you think they can hear us?

            END OF EPISODE 59.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 58" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (The two gray-heads, GEORGETTE and GRACE, are traversing the jungle with 

            COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE, on a mission for something.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Can either of you actually hear men?

GEORGETTE

What do you mean?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Hear their voices when they speak?

GRACE

Of course---

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

I can’t.  They’re too low.

GRACE

Ridiculous---

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

They say the high tones go first.  But, as a woman living among women, I’ve lost my low.

GEORGETTE

Grace’s voice is very gravelly because of her Camels---I don’t fault her---and you hear her fine.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

There’s something feminine---

GEORGETTE

That’s silly---

GRACE

But, Georgette:  last month, the UPS guy came to the door.  I think it was those herbal teas.  And he was moving his lips like he wanted something.  But neither of us heard him.  So, after a few minutes, he walked away.

GEORGETTE

Now that you mention it, I haven’t heard a man in years.  Remember when those missionaries showed up on bicycles?  We stood there nodding for half an hour.

GRACE

I guess we can’t hear men.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

So tell me how we’ll know when we’re near the drug lords?

            (She snorts some snuff.)

            END OF EPISODE 58.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 57" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (Enter the two gray-heads, GEORGETTE and GRACE, followed by 

            COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE.  The COUNTESS is taking snuff.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Do you get the idea . . . that we were put in this group . . . because we’re---snort!---infirm?

GRACE

Speak for---

GEORGETTE

            (Simultaneously)

I don’t like “infirm.”

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

We’ve got a couple centuries among us---

GRACE

            (To GEORGETTE)

What’s with her?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Do you mind if I sit?

GEORGETTE

We’re supposed to . . .  What are we doing, Grace?

GRACE

That bossy one said, “Go!”  Search for men, I guess.

            (They cock their heads as if to pick up sounds.)

GEORGETTE

Is that men up ahead?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Can either of you hear men?

            (Stares.)

            END OF EPISODE 57.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 56" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (Led by the PANTHER LADY, ELINOR RADLEY, FOOFEE, and LONNIE 

            are crouching, creeping, spying.)

LONNIE

Are we looking for Annie?

ELINOR RADLEY

We’re looking for men to kill.  There’s no time to explain---

LONNIE

But Annie---?

ELINOR RADLEY

I don’t know---shhh!

            (The PANTHER LADY growls.)

                    ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

Are we there?

FOOFEE

If it’s any consolation, I’m sure she’ll turn up.  Eventually.

            (The PANTHER LADY hisses for everyone to shut the F up.)

            END OF EPISODE 56.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 55" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (ELINOR RADLEY and the PANTHER LADY come out from the woods and 

            stand before the peeling “Butch Gardens” sign.)

ELINOR RADLEY

Where is everybody?  Bunch of hens---

            (GEORGETTE and GRACE enter.)

                      ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

Why are you giggly and dressed in leaves?

            (FOOFEE and COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE stumble in.)

FOOFEE

We were disposing of the---

ELINOR RADLEY

All we need is that other woman---

FOOFEE

We have news for you.

            (LONNIE walks in, glowing.)

ELINOR RADLEY

Stop shining, Annie---

LONNIE

I’m Lonnie, the one who was dead.

            (The PANTHER LADY spits up a hair ball.)

            END OF EPISODE 55.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 54" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (The Fountain of Youth.  GEORGETTE and GRACE swim in it, keeping their 

            gray heads above water.)

GEORGETTE

I could swim here forever.

GRACE

Really?

GEORGETTE

No, I’m kind of tired of it.

GRACE

You want to put your head in?

GEORGETTE

And get my hair wet?  ’You crazy?  What about you?

GRACE

’You crazy?

            (Soft sound of plashing.)

                     GRACE (Continued)

What do you think will happen when we get out?

GEORGETTE

Our bodies will get old again.

GRACE

Good.  ’Cause I’m about to get my period.

            (She gets out.)

GEORGETTE

            (Smiling)

Oh, Grace . . .

            (She gets out.  As their skin dries, their flesh returns to the right age.)

                     GEORGETTE (Continued)

You want I should get leaves?

GRACE

Darn tootin’.  Old bats like us don’t stand around---

GEORGETTE

Begging for bugs---ouch!

GRACE

One on your backside---

GEORGETTE

You old devil!

            (Laughing, they dress in leaves, à la mode sauvage.)

GRACE

The best part of life has been getting old with you, Georgie.

            (They leave the Fountain of Youth and never look back.)

            END OF EPISODE 54.