"Butch Gardens, Episode 67" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (The senior lesbians repose in the woods.  GEORGETTE and GRACE nestle 

            against each other.  COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE dozes against an obelisk that 

            looks like Annie.)

GRACE

It’s pretty here.

GEORGETTE

Better than the zoo.

            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE lifts her head.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

No; I’m sorry.

            (She drifts off again.)

GRACE

            (To the COUNTESS)

What’s she---?

GEORGETTE

’Talking in her sleep.

            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE lifts her head.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Oh, she’s alive again, yes.  She came back . . . when Foofee and I were . . .

GEORGETTE

Who are you talking to, Baroness?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Me?  To this obelisk . . . it murmurs . . .

            (She falls back asleep.  GEORGETTE and GRACE share a look.)

            END OF EPISODE 67.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 65" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (The lusty seniors are walking in the woods.)

GRACE

We’re lost.

GEORGETTE

I’m afraid so.

GRACE

We’ll never slit those drug lords’ throats.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Is that what we were doing?

GEORGETTE

You should sit, Gracie.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Let’s rest near this obelisk that looks like Annie.

GRACE

Annie?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

            (Explaining)

The one whose lover was dead but came back to life.

            (They relax near an obelisk that looks like Annie.)

            END OF EPISODE 65.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 62" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE, along with GEORGETTE and GRACE, is lost, 

            a bit confused, in no real rush.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

I have this feeling . . .

GRACE

You have it, too?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

About Annie.

GRACE

Oh.

GEORGETTE

Which one is that?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

The girlfriend.  The one who didn’t get covered in slime.  The one who wasn’t dead and didn’t come back to life.

GRACE

Oh, her.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Usually Foofee says this kind of thing---

GEORGETTE

I know---

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

But I wonder if she didn’t make a Faustian bargain:  give her life to save someone---that Annie---no, Lonnie---the one who was dead but isn’t anymore.

GRACE

I’d give my life to save Georgette.

GEORGETTE

I’d give my life to save you.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

I’d give my life for a comfy cushion.

            (They keep plodding.)

            END OF EPISODE 62.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 58" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (The two gray-heads, GEORGETTE and GRACE, are traversing the jungle with 

            COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE, on a mission for something.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Can either of you actually hear men?

GEORGETTE

What do you mean?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Hear their voices when they speak?

GRACE

Of course---

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

I can’t.  They’re too low.

GRACE

Ridiculous---

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

They say the high tones go first.  But, as a woman living among women, I’ve lost my low.

GEORGETTE

Grace’s voice is very gravelly because of her Camels---I don’t fault her---and you hear her fine.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

There’s something feminine---

GEORGETTE

That’s silly---

GRACE

But, Georgette:  last month, the UPS guy came to the door.  I think it was those herbal teas.  And he was moving his lips like he wanted something.  But neither of us heard him.  So, after a few minutes, he walked away.

GEORGETTE

Now that you mention it, I haven’t heard a man in years.  Remember when those missionaries showed up on bicycles?  We stood there nodding for half an hour.

GRACE

I guess we can’t hear men.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

So tell me how we’ll know when we’re near the drug lords?

            (She snorts some snuff.)

            END OF EPISODE 58.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 57" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (Enter the two gray-heads, GEORGETTE and GRACE, followed by 

            COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE.  The COUNTESS is taking snuff.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Do you get the idea . . . that we were put in this group . . . because we’re---snort!---infirm?

GRACE

Speak for---

GEORGETTE

            (Simultaneously)

I don’t like “infirm.”

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

We’ve got a couple centuries among us---

GRACE

            (To GEORGETTE)

What’s with her?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Do you mind if I sit?

GEORGETTE

We’re supposed to . . .  What are we doing, Grace?

GRACE

That bossy one said, “Go!”  Search for men, I guess.

            (They cock their heads as if to pick up sounds.)

GEORGETTE

Is that men up ahead?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Can either of you hear men?

            (Stares.)

            END OF EPISODE 57.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 55" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (ELINOR RADLEY and the PANTHER LADY come out from the woods and 

            stand before the peeling “Butch Gardens” sign.)

ELINOR RADLEY

Where is everybody?  Bunch of hens---

            (GEORGETTE and GRACE enter.)

                      ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

Why are you giggly and dressed in leaves?

            (FOOFEE and COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE stumble in.)

FOOFEE

We were disposing of the---

ELINOR RADLEY

All we need is that other woman---

FOOFEE

We have news for you.

            (LONNIE walks in, glowing.)

ELINOR RADLEY

Stop shining, Annie---

LONNIE

I’m Lonnie, the one who was dead.

            (The PANTHER LADY spits up a hair ball.)

            END OF EPISODE 55.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 54" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (The Fountain of Youth.  GEORGETTE and GRACE swim in it, keeping their 

            gray heads above water.)

GEORGETTE

I could swim here forever.

GRACE

Really?

GEORGETTE

No, I’m kind of tired of it.

GRACE

You want to put your head in?

GEORGETTE

And get my hair wet?  ’You crazy?  What about you?

GRACE

’You crazy?

            (Soft sound of plashing.)

                     GRACE (Continued)

What do you think will happen when we get out?

GEORGETTE

Our bodies will get old again.

GRACE

Good.  ’Cause I’m about to get my period.

            (She gets out.)

GEORGETTE

            (Smiling)

Oh, Grace . . .

            (She gets out.  As their skin dries, their flesh returns to the right age.)

                     GEORGETTE (Continued)

You want I should get leaves?

GRACE

Darn tootin’.  Old bats like us don’t stand around---

GEORGETTE

Begging for bugs---ouch!

GRACE

One on your backside---

GEORGETTE

You old devil!

            (Laughing, they dress in leaves, à la mode sauvage.)

GRACE

The best part of life has been getting old with you, Georgie.

            (They leave the Fountain of Youth and never look back.)

            END OF EPISODE 54.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 51" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (The Fountain of Youth.  The two gray-heads, GEORGETTE and GRACE, are 

            up to their necks in pure water---pure eau, pure o-oh!  Their bodies are returned to 

            youth.  Their mouths kiss beautifully, passionately, historically, familiarly---the 

            gentle, powerful kisses of ones who have known each other an awfully long time.)

            (Above the horizon, the silhouettes of a giant SUSAN B. ANTHONY and 

            HELEN KELLER can be seen.  They waltz searchingly.)

            END OF EPISODE 51.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 49" by MTR Studios (Mocha Tchokha Rose, head writer)

            (GEORGETTE and GRACE are up to their necks in the glittering pool.)

GEORGETTE

The water is very fresh.

GRACE

Not as cold as it could be.

GEORGETTE

What happened to the nymphs?

GRACE

You scared them---

GEORGETTE

You did---

GRACE

Do that again.

GEORGETTE

What?

GRACE

Touch your face---

GEORGETTE

What?

GRACE

Georgie, look at your hand.  It’s young---

GEORGETTE

The wrinkles?  Grace, look at---

GRACE

What’s happened?

            (They both pull at their clothes and inspect their supple flesh.  Eye contact.  Back 

            to their bodies, which are now fifty years younger.  Eye contact again.  Then they 

            undress under water.)

GEORGETTE

I can’t believe---!

GRACE

Take off your blouse---

            (Unseen nymphs giggle.)

            END OF EPISODE 49.