"Tremors, Part Two: Dark Alley"

            (MRS. HO is walking down a dark alley, carrying supplies for a new flowerbox. 
            It is misty dark.  Her heels crunch on the gravel.  Then, more heels.  MRS. HO
            opens her eyes as a throng of ANGRY LESBIANS emerges from the shadows.)

MRS. HO

Oh, God . . .

ANGRY LESBIAN 1

I heard what you’re doing---

MRS. HO

What---?

ANGRY LESBIAN 1

You’re silencing “Butch Gardens”---

MRS. HO

Oh, God---

ANGRY LESBIAN 2

We enjoy “Butch Gardens.”  Do you hear me?

MRS. HO

            (Stupidly)
I enjoy many things:  spice gumdrops---

ANGRY LESBIAN 3

Don’t be smart!

ANGRY LESBIAN 1

We don’t like to threaten.

ANGRY LESBIAN 2

We don’t like to.  But . . . you know . . .

MRS. HO

I think I do.

            (The LESBIANS walk away.  MRS. HO leans against a wall and drops a paint
            brush.)

Play Fragment VII: "The Match Girl and the Stove Man"

             (Found on a pot by Mrs. Ho.  Pencil on Christmas card.)

MATCH GIRL:  I would sell all I own for [. . .]

STOVE MAN:  I demand your soul.

MATCH GIRL:  I cannot give what the [ . . .]

[STOVE] MAN:  Then I will take your family [. . .]

[ . . .] to chase her.  She hides in a p[. . .]

[STOVE MAN] (Cont’d):  I am us[ed? . . .]

[MATCH GIRL:?]  Jesus, I give my [. . .]

"Tremors, Part One"

            (MRS. HO sits in a large wicker chair, fanning herself.  WESTWARD HO
            approaches.)

WESTWARD

Mother.

            (MRS. HO continues to fan herself.)

                   WESTWARD (Continued)

Have you been following the blog?

            (Silence.)

                   WESTWARD (Continued)

What do you think of it?

MRS. HO

            (After a pause)
I don’t understand it---

WESTWARD

I know it’s popular with lesbians.  I’m just not sure---

 

 MRS. HO

She told me it would be a soap opera.  But it’s a horror movie; am I right?

WESTWARD

I guess.

MRS. HO

Hmmm . . .

            (She turns away.)

"Butch Gardens, Episode 17" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (LONNIE is still sulking in the brush.  The music from FOOFEE’s dance can be
            heard.  Someone approaches LONNIE from behind.)

LONNIE

Are you back?  I’m not mad.  Just a minute.

            (The figure gets closer.  LONNIE turns around.  It’s an anaconda!)

                 LONNIE (Continued)

Hey!  AH!

            (She faints.  The anaconda starts to drag her off.)

                LONNIE (Continued)

Wait!  I haven’t fainted!  Hey, ah!

            (LONNIE bumps her head on a rock.  She passes out.  The anaconda drags her. 
            No one hears because of the music and the dance.)

            END OF EPISODE 17.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 16" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (Back in the singing place.)

FOOFEE

I feel a dance coming on.

            (The womanservant, FOOFEE, rises and disrobes.)

ELINOR RADLEY

You dare---?

            (ELINOR RADLEY makes for FOOFEE, but is stopped by the power of rhythm.)

FOOFEE

It’s a simple dance, about a country girl who becomes a servant.

            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE snorts and awakes.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Foofee, is that you?

            (Whatever the dance is, it is fantastic.  It is hard to write about dance---really it
            is.  It’s better to write about its effect on the watcher.  Whoa mama.  Such
            power.)

GRACE

Look at the limbs on her!

GEORGETTE

I know!  Let her dance---

            (She tells the story of a young peasant in Alsace, who toils in a way most
            Alsatian, until her sister goes off and becomes a prostitute.  For a moment,
            it seems like the sister is doing well for herself, until a cedar falls on her
            and she becomes encased in amber.  A-a-ah!)
 

                 GEORGETTE (Continued)

I can’t look!

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

But look you must!

            (O, the tears from that pauvre Alsatian!  But she has made the right choice! 
            Mais oui, she has made the right choice!)

ANNIE

Now, I, too, must dance!

GRACE

Keep that butt on the ground, sweetie!

            (Trials and tribulations.  And then, a moment beside some waters where she sees
            in her reflection true beauty and a transcendent love for other women.  A
            Sapphic slavabo.  And a merry meeting with a wealthy noblewoman who
            employs her as a servant.  She also employs her brother who later dies in a tragic
            plane crash.  But that sorrow is passed over quickly in favor of the climax of
            wing-finding, aloft-lifting, freedom-in-coping, a swannish precision.  Again,
            whoa.  And the dance ends.)

ALL BUT ELINOR RADLEY (AND LONNIE, WHO IS ABSENT)

Brava!  Brava!

            (The PANTHER LADY is made ashamed of her spontaneous applause.)

            END OF EPISODE 16.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 15" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (Back at the site of the four plane crashes, the two severed HEADS roll around. 
            Fragments from the woman-eating PLANT gather themselves together and
            address the HEADS.)

PLANT

Hey, ladies!  I was pulverized, but I’m not through.  Why don’t you come with me, and we’ll make something of our shared brokenness?

HEADS

Will you eat us?

PLANT

I’m damaged goods, too desperate to find anything but friends in this world.  Are you with me?

            (The PLANT pieces start to shuffle off.  The HEADS roll after.)

HEADS

Whee!

            END OF EPISODE 15.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 14" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (ANNIE comes back to the singing place.)

ELINOR RADLEY

So you’re back for the story of “Butch Gardens”?

I say, you’re back for the story of “Butch Gardens”?

ANNIE

Yes, ma’am!  I say, yes, ma’am!

ELINOR RADLEY

Then listen up!

            (Drumming and scatting stops.)

                    ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

Once there was a vile entrepreneur named Boo Radley.  He wanted a son.  But he had a daughter, Elinor.  And that was me.
            (Tears in her eyes)
Do you understand now?

GRACE

            (Rising to her feet, moved to confess)
I used to think I wanted to be a man!
            (To those around her)
They become men now, you know---

GEORGETTE

That’s a different thing---

GRACE

I don’t know.  But, if I could have, would I have?

GEORGETTE

No.

GRACE

I can’t be sure, Georgette.  I just can’t be sure.

            (ELINOR RADLEY is glaring vilely.)

ELINOR RADLEY

This resting fermata is not for you---

FOOFEE

            (Whispering to the COUNTESS)
I feel a dance coming on . . .

            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE has fallen asleep.)

            END OF EPISODE 14.