"Butch Gardens, Episode 6" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

ANNIE

Up ahead . . . I think I see a sign---

LONNIE

We’ve been walking forever---

ANNIE

A little exercise---

LONNIE

What does it say?

ANNIE

The leaves---

LONNIE

Honestly . . .

            (LONNIE brushes the leaves away.  There, in the peeled paint, glitzy letters call
            out, “Butch Gardens.”)

                  LONNIE (Continued)

“Butch Gardens”---?

ANNIE

My kind of place---

LONNIE

Honestly---

ANNIE

It’s like some kind of abandoned lesbian amusement park---

            (ELINOR RADLEY emerges from the shadows and curtsies low.)

ELINOR RADLEY

Abandoned no more.

            (ANNIE and LONNIE start.)

            END OF EPISODE 6.

 

"Butch Gardens, Episode 5" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (FOOFEE helps COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE climb down the pile of
            wreckage.)

FOOFEE

Here’s something odd, Countess.  It seems our plane crashed on top of another plane.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

What are the chances---?

FOOFEE

Watch out!

            (FOOFEE throws the COUNTESS down onto a pile of tropical leaves.  Another
            plane crashes down upon the first two.)

                 FOOFEE (Continued)

Would you believe another plane?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Foofee.  You’re on top of me . . .

            (They remain still a moment.)

            END OF EPISODE 5.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 4" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

My glorious plane!

FOOFEE

My apologies, Countess.  It was like some force pulled the steering mechanism---

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Foofee, my trusted womanservant, you survive?  But the plane---

FOOFEE

And what of Feefoo, your trusted manservant---?

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Yes, what of him?

FOOFEE

Oh, dear.

            (FOOFEE opens the plane door.  Roasted meat.)

                  FOOFEE (Continued)

I’m afraid he didn’t make it.

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

I have a bad feeling about this, Foofee.  Close the door.

            (She makes several attempts and finally gets the plane shut up.)

            END OF EPISODE 4.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 3" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (The sound of a plane crashing.)

LONNIE

Another one?  ’Gives me the shakes.  I remember our crash.

ANNIE

I, for one, look forward to the wilderness.

LONNIE

You’re one for roughing it.  Should we go to the crash site?

ANNIE

Are you a doctor?  I’m not a doctor.

            (They keep walking.)

            END OF EPISODE 3.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 2" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (A PANTHER LADY approaches the fearsome ELINOR RADLEY.)

PANTHER LADY

            (Snarling)
The first plane is down, mistress.

ELINOR RADLEY

            (Hissing)
Describe the women to me.

PANTHER LADY

They are beautiful.

ELINOR RADLEY

Pretty, or---you know---beautiful?

PANTHER LADY

Real beauties.  Muscular calves.

ELINOR RADLEY

Ah . . .

PANTHER LADY

Unvarnished, natural beauties.

ELINOR RADLEY

I cannot wait.

PANTHER LADY

They’re coming.

            (They scurry behind some foliage.)

            END OF EPISODE 2.

"Butch Gardens, Episode 1" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

LONNIE

Annie, what is this place?

ANNIE

I just got out of the crashed airplane.

LONNIE

’You hurt?

ANNIE

Nothin’ for a lady like me.

LONNIE

            (Terrified)
Where’s my hand?
            (Appeased)
Oh, I just lost the feelin’ in it.  What can you do . . .  Where are we?

            (ANNIE unfolds a map.)

                  LONNIE (Continued)

That map won’t---

ANNIE

It can’t hurt---

LONNIE

We were flying over the Amazon.

ANNIE

I hear a mighty river---

            (The roar of water.)

                   ANNIE (Continued)

Should we march towards it?

            (They head in the direction of the roar.  Someone is watching from behind a woman-
          eating plant.)

          END OF EPISODE 1.

Epilogue to "The Trial of Westward Ho": "Overheard Voices IV"

            (My teacher says that overheard voices can be more interesting than what we

            make up ourselves. I doubt it.)

MAN

Class, this woman would like to speak to you.

OLDER WOMAN

I have a blog.  It used to be my son’s.  Yes, the one you know.  I need someone to take charge of it.  I have no head for writing---though I might have written a play or two.  I need a writer.  I will not pay.

            (All the PUPILS, in eager foolishness, raise their hands.  The OLDER WOMAN
            selects a YOUNG WOMAN.)

                   OLDER WOMAN (Continued)

You, with hair like a man.  Your lines are biting.  I like you best.

YOUNG WOMAN

My girlfriends said it was my lucky day.

            (The other PUPILS seethe in their envy.)

            END OF EPILOGUE.

            END OF “THE TRIAL OF WESTWARD HO.”