"Butch Gardens, Episode 20" by Mocha Tchokha Rose

            (ELINOR RADLEY is enthralling the masses---except for LONNIE, who is
            caught by an anaconda somewhere, and COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE, who
            dozes.)

ELINOR RADLEY

As I was telling you, my father was the hypocritical entrepreneur Boo Radley, who wanted a son but got me.  And, somehow, in his business dealings, he bought half the Amazon.  He intended to tear it down to grow hops---but died too soon.  But not before he had lost all his possessions with the click of a roulette wheel in Monte Carlo.

            (The COUNTESS wakes up.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

            (Snorting)
I remember!  I was there!

            (She falls back asleep.)

ELINOR RADLEY

But he didn’t really lose everything, you see; because he retained a small plot of land.  Not small, really---a million acres jammed with orchids and sloths.  It started as a lesbian amusement park.  Not really, though.  At first, it was a home for blind lesbians founded by Susan B. Anthony’s grand-niece:  the Susan B. Anthony Home for Blind Lesbians, I believe.  But everyone called it “Butch Gardens” because of the flowers that grew and because of a statue of Susan in a particularly mannish pose.

            (The COUNTESS raises her head.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

Was she scratching her balls?

ELINOR RADLEY

            (Incredulously)
No.  Her legs were just wide
 
            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE falls back asleep.)

                  ELINOR RADLEY (Continued)

With a name like “Butch Gardens,” it was only natural that---with the craze in the 1960s---the place became an amusement park.  And a lesbian amusement park, because who but lesbians would vacation in the Amazon?  Unfortunately, lesbians have no money, though; so no one came.

FOOFEE

What about indigenous lesbians?

            (ELINOR RADLEY glares for a second, then shrugs.)

ELINOR RADLEY

A fair question.  Some of them might have come; I don’t care.  But the high-stakes lesbians didn’t, because they were too poor.  Only the ultra-rich lesbians.  And there aren’t many.  Just me.

            (COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE snorts awake.)

COUNTESS VAN DER CAVE

I also came!  I especially liked the pavilion where you could gut your own fish.

ELINOR RADLEY

You were there, I remember.  But not often enough.  So there was no revenue; and the place closed.

GEORGETTE

This story is interesting but seems to meander.

FOOFEE

Like the River Meander.

            END OF EPISODE 20.