"The Trial of Westward Ho, Part XI"

             (Rome, the Renaissance.  The POPE unfolds a strange letter, airmailed from a 
            later date.  After reading, he raises his eyes from the paper.)

THE POPE

What is the meaning of this?  Cardinals?

            (Men in red flutter in.)

                  THE POPE (Continued)

Cardinals, what is this missive?  Who gave it me?

THE CARDINALS

            (Twittering)
’Twas not we!  ’Twas not we!

THE POPE

Sons whom I call my nephews?

            (The SONS mosey along.)

THE SONS

Shhh, Pops.

THE POPE

I am too old to care.  Did one of ye---one of ye ingrates---write this?

THE SONS

Never!  Where’s a mirror?

THE POPE

My fool?

            (A FOOL pops out of a butter churn.)

THE FOOL

Pop goes the jester!

THE POPE

Wrotest thou this?

THE FOOL

Now, Popey-pie . . . you know I don’t write.  But if you’ll grumble a bit less and read a bit more, you’ll see ’tis from a lady from the future; and she wants you to try her sons.

THE POPE

I’ve sons enough---

THE SONS

Nephews, you mean.

THE FOOL

Try as in court of law, sir Popey-Wopey, good sir.

THE POPE

I see.

            (He bites at an odd root.)

                  THE POPE (Continued)

Sith I am old, I’ll to it.

            (THE FOOL juggles, the SONS hide, the CARDINALS sing.)

            END OF PART XI.

"The Trial of Westward Ho, Part X"

            (Nighttime.  The hall of the Ho home.  SUNNY and WESTWARD meet in the
            hall, she coming from the bathroom, he going to it.  She is dressed in pajamas and
            carries a toothbrush.  He is wearing a bathrobe and holds a towel.)

WESTWARD

Sunny, was our father killed by a gorilla?

SUNNY

I don’t think so.

WESTWARD

How did he die?

SUNNY

I think lung cancer.  Maybe a gorilla.

            (They go their separate ways.)

            END OF PART X.

"The Trial of Westward Ho, Part IX"

                (The HOS are at the zoo. YOUNG SUNNY is admiring the physics of a yoyo.
             MRS. HO, looking dashing with a scarf, tries to get her son to see the GORILLA.
             BABY WESTWARD digs in his heels and clings to his mother’s skirts.)

MRS. HO

Westward, not be silly! The big gorilla is friendly. See; he’s friendly.

             (The GORILLA smashes against the bars.)

GORILLA

Woog! Woog!

MRS. HO

That’s how they show love, gorillas.

GORILLA

Blood blood!

YOUNG SUNNY

Mummy, I want to go home.

MRS. HO

You be quiet. This is time for Westward. He got to grow up.

GORILLA

Blood!

             (MR. HO enters, too many cotton candies.)

MR. HO

Stop pushing the boy, Song. If he hates the naughty gorilla, let him hate.

             (BABY WESTWARD runs to his father.)

                    MR. HO (Continued)

Have a cotton candy, son.

             (WESTWARD eats in immense mouthfuls.)

MRS. HO

You baby him, Tug.

MR. HO

You harden him.

SUNNY

Don’t fight anymore!

MRS. HO

Shush with your yoyo.

MR. HO

              (As much to his wife as to his son)
You want to see the gorilla, son?

            (WESTWARD cowers.)

                 MR. HO (Continued)

Come with Daddy.

             (They approach the steel cage.)

GORILLA

Blood, bloody, blood!

              (As they get closer, the GORILLA stops and abruptly makes puppy eyes.)

MR. HO

You see, son; there is nothing to fear in the world.

              (WESTWARD smiles.)

            MR. HO (Continued)

You think he likes cotton candy?

             (WESTWARD holds out his cotton candy. Fearful then, he withdraws his arm.
             His father takes the candy from him and holds it out himself. The GORILLA
             gently takes some.)

             MR. HO (Continued)

There, there, Mr. Gorill---!

GORILLA

BLOOD!

              (The GORILLA rips off MR. HO’s arm. Blood spurts everywhere. MR. HO
              dies. SUNNY screams. BABY WESTWARD cries and rolls on the ground,
              drenched in his father’s life.)

SUNNY

I want to go home!

              (MRS. HO scoops up her son as the GORILLA reaches for him. She presses him
              to her breast, both now covered in blood.)

MRS. HO

Westward, you are the only man in my life now!

             (Tears. Screaming primates. Uproar all around the park. Tableau.)

             END OF PART IX.

"The Trial of Westward Ho, Part VIII"

WESTWARD

I suppose the time comes in every man’s life . . .

MR. BALDHAWK

Earlier for most men.  You must get out so that your mother can go about the business she intends.

WESTWARD

I see.

MR. BALDHAWK

I can tell by your expression that you know I’m in love with her.

WESTWARD

Thank you for your time, Mr. Baldhawk.

MR. BALDHAWK

She’s a lively, intelligent woman.  Why shouldn’t I---?

WESTWARD

Yes, why shouldn’t you?  I suppose I am trapped in my youth.
            (He turns back)
Does she love you back?

MR. BALDHAWK

Who can say?  But I’m a thinking man; and I think so.

WESTWARD

Will you marry?

            (MR. BALDHAWK shrugs his shoulders)

                     WESTWARD (Continued)

Time passes and feelings change, I suppose.  I will see you in court, Mr. Baldhawk.

            (WESTWARD leaves.  MR. BALDHAWK rubs his bald spot.)

            END OF PART VIII.

"The Trial of Westward Ho, Part VII"

            (MR. BALDHAWK’s law office.)

MR. BALDHAWK

Westward---I may call you “Westward”?

            (WESTWARD nods weakly.)

                    MR. BALDHAWK (Continued)

Westward, it’s time to grow up.  You can’t sit in the upstairs room at your mother’s, fiddling with a silly blog and expecting the world to be hunky-dory.  You’ve got to man up and get out.

WESTWARD

But Sunny and Yicheng---

MR. BALDHAWK

They’re newlyweds.  Soon, they’ll fill the house with babies.  But what do you bring?  Pottery plays?

            (WESTWARD walks slowly to the window.)

WESTWARD

If I move out, will she stop her lawsuit?

MR. BALDHAWK

Heavens, no.  She’s in for blood now.

            (MR. BALDHAWK shuffles papers.)

            END OF PART VII.

"The Trial of Westward Ho, Part VI"

            (MR. BALDHAWK’s office.)

WESTWARD

You are my mother’s lawyer.

MR. BALDHAWK

You will lose the case.

WESTWARD

I must tell you . . . I think Mother has gone nuts.

MR. BALDHAWK

Haven’t we all, a little?

WESTWARD

She is suing me over a trifle.  And, this morning, she spoke harshly to my sister.  She told her to lie on the stand.

MR. BALDHAWK

That’s what you thought you heard.  But hearing is a funny---

WESTWARD

She used to be kind, tender.  But, now, she’s . . .  I’m not sure she loves me anymore.

MR. BALDHAWK

            (Pause, chews a pen)
 How old are you, my boy?

WESTWARD

            (Clears throat)
Nearing or past thirty.

MR. BALDHAWK

And you live with your mother?  There’s your trouble.

            (MR. BALDHAWK shuffles papers.)

            END OF PART VI.

"The Trial of Westward Ho, Part V"

            (The squalid office of MR. BALDHAWK, attorney.  Two dandies, HALLWARD
            and MAUVE, are finishing up their business.)

MAUVE

Tally-ho, will you give me cash for my annuity?

HALLWARD

I, too, have an annuity that I would like to cash in.

            (MR. BALDHAWK pulls greasy bills from out of an old box.)

MR. BALDHAWK

Take your money and get out, you bums!

            (They pocket the cash in striped vests.)

HALLWARD

I say, Mauve, what will we live on now?

MAUVE

Bons mots.

HALLWARD

Or, les mots justes.

            (They skip out.  WESTWARD HO comes in the open door.)

WESTWARD

Mr. Baldhawk?

MR. BALDHAWK

The time to cash in annuities is gone.  Come back tomorrow.

WESTWARD

I am here on other matters.

MR. BALDHAWK

I see.

            (He looks up, glinty.)

            END OF PART V.