THE
FOOL
---ruling.
THE
POPE
Hold tight to your articles! Here is my opinion. Westward, thou didst wrong. It matters not the intent. Thou hast offended thy mother---and,
possibly, thy sister---over a thing that signifieth naught. To repeat, art signifieth naught.
(MR. BALDHAWK, attorney for MRS. HO,
stands up.)
MR.
BALDHAWK
What
is his punishment?
THE
POPE
Forsooth, he mustn’t burn. Let us take the thing that he loveth---
MR.
BALDHAWK
His
blog?
THE
POPE
Aye. Take it and give it to his
mother. Enough! I near to die. Requiem in pace! Benedicte!
(He leaves in a flurry of cardinals,
bastards, and fools. The crowd starts to
leave. MR. BALDHAWK stops to address
MRS. HO.)
MR.
BALDHAWK
May
I buy you dinner?
(MRS. HO looks for a count of three,
then deliberately---viciously---turns her
back.)
MR. BALDHAWK (Continued)
Song?
(MR. BALDHAWK, beside himself, makes
to leave. His busy hands mutilate
what
is left of his hair. WESTWARD addresses MRS.
HO.)
WESTWARD
Mother. Will you close “Plays: Short and Strange”? Will you close the blog?
MRS.
HO
It costs me nothing
to leave it open. I am a businesswoman.
WESTWARD
May
I still write for it?
MRS.
HO
Of
course not, my boy.
WESTWARD
(After a pause)
Shall
I gather my belongings and move out?
MRS.
HO
No,
my son. I am almost at an end of being angry.
(Pause)
I
very nearly made a mistake. But I did
not make it.
(MRS. HO goes out a different way
than MR. BALDHAWK. WESTWARD
stands in
the fading light of the empty courtroom, then follows her.)
END OF PART XVIII.
(The courtroom. Its clean white 21st Century walls
are made baroque by a
malfunctioning fluorescent. The gallery is filled with red cardinals. Cut-outs
of Mrs. Ho were ordered but did not
arrive. All are waiting,
waiting. MR.
BALDHAWK stands on the side
of the plaintiff. WESTWARD HO stands on
the side of the defense. Perhaps THE
POSTMAN is his lawyer. He stands
near
WESTWARD.)
(The
other members of the Ho family are conspicuously absent. SUNNY is at the
hotel. She sits poolside and reads her book so
loudly that, perhaps, she can be
heard even here. SUNNY’S MAN FRIEND enters. He scans the room for his
wife. WESTWARD looks at him. SUNNY’S MAN FRIEND avoids either side.)
(MRS.
HO appears. She has been through a
war. Her eyes are tireder than
before. But her lipstick and headscarf
are red like the cardinals. She has not
shone so bright since her husband’s death.
MR. BALDHAWK turns to her, then
turns away. He makes no motion for her to join him, but
she knows what he
means. She decides to
sit in the back. She tries to get
SUNNY’S MAN FRIEND
to acknowledge her, but he leaves to find his wife. Without seeing, WESTWARD
knows that his
mother is in the courtroom.)
(Oyez
oyez. The BAILIFF comes out of a closet
with his giant stick and bangs it
thrice on the ground. MRS. HO shudders involuntarily. WESTWARD closes his
eyes. SUNNY loses her place. MR. BALDHAWK chokes lightly.)
END
OF PART XV.
(A
pottery play. Found on a future pot by
Mrs. Ho, Sunny’s granddaughter-in-
law.)
[S.
HO?:] Baldhawk . . . no more . . .
[(B]ALDHAWK
stands in the sun.
[
. . .] wings.)
[BALD]HAWK: I would never have helped [ . . .]
HO: Don’t be cruel . . .
(MR.
BALDHAWK moves his hands [ . . .]
[. . .] window? Is he trying to escape?
S.
HO: (Continuing) I haven’t [. . .]
BALDHAWK: I tho[? . . .]
(He
stops speak[ing . . . )]
[.
. .]: Will you [. . .]
END OF PART XIII.
(An airport. SUNNY is with MR. BALDHAWK.)
SUNNY
I
have a magazine that I’m not reading.
MR.
BALDHAWK
No,
thank you. I could have handled this on
my own.
SUNNY
I’m
sure---
MR.
BALDHAWK
It’s
my car---
SUNNY
Do
you think---?
MR.
BALDHAWK
I
don’t see---
SUNNY
She
doesn’t trust you yet. Not fully.
(MR. BALDHAWK scuffles his foot on
the carpet. He pats his lines of
recession.)
MR.
BALDHAWK
I
see.
SUNNY
Ah,
the board just changed.
MR.
BALDHAWK
It
did?
SUNNY
Yes. Rome.
The Renaissance. Arriving now. Let’s
go.
MR.
BALDHAWK
Let’s
go.
(They stare at the board.)
END OF PART XII.
WESTWARD
I suppose the time comes in every man’s life . . .
MR. BALDHAWK
Earlier for most men. You must get out so that your mother can go about the business she intends.
WESTWARD
I see.
MR. BALDHAWK
I can tell by your expression that you know I’m in love with her.
WESTWARD
Thank you for your time, Mr. Baldhawk.
MR. BALDHAWK
She’s a lively, intelligent woman. Why shouldn’t I---?
WESTWARD
Yes, why shouldn’t you? I suppose I am trapped in my youth.
(He turns back)
Does she love you back?
MR. BALDHAWK
Who can say? But I’m a thinking man; and I think so.
WESTWARD
Will you marry?
(MR. BALDHAWK shrugs his shoulders)
WESTWARD (Continued)
Time passes and feelings change, I suppose. I will see you in court, Mr. Baldhawk.
(WESTWARD leaves. MR. BALDHAWK rubs his bald spot.)
END OF PART VIII.
(MR. BALDHAWK’s law office.)
MR. BALDHAWK
Westward---I may call you “Westward”?
(WESTWARD nods weakly.)
MR. BALDHAWK (Continued)
Westward, it’s time to grow up. You can’t sit in the upstairs room at your mother’s, fiddling with a silly blog and expecting the world to be hunky-dory. You’ve got to man up and get out.
WESTWARD
But Sunny and Yicheng---
MR. BALDHAWK
They’re newlyweds. Soon, they’ll fill the house with babies. But what do you bring? Pottery plays?
(WESTWARD walks slowly to the window.)
WESTWARD
If I move out, will she stop her lawsuit?
MR. BALDHAWK
Heavens, no.
She’s in for blood now.
(MR. BALDHAWK shuffles papers.)
END OF PART VII.
(MR. BALDHAWK’s office.)
WESTWARD
You are my mother’s lawyer.
MR. BALDHAWK
You will lose the case.
WESTWARD
I must tell you . . . I think Mother has gone nuts.
MR. BALDHAWK
Haven’t we all, a little?
WESTWARD
She is suing me over a trifle. And, this morning, she spoke harshly to my sister. She told her to lie on the stand.
MR. BALDHAWK
That’s what you thought you heard. But hearing is a funny---
WESTWARD
She used to be kind, tender. But, now, she’s . . . I’m not sure she loves me anymore.
MR. BALDHAWK
(Pause, chews a pen)
How old are you, my boy?
WESTWARD
(Clears throat)
Nearing or past thirty.
MR. BALDHAWK
And you live with your mother? There’s your trouble.
(MR. BALDHAWK shuffles papers.)
END OF PART VI.
(The squalid office of MR. BALDHAWK, attorney. Two dandies, HALLWARD
and MAUVE, are finishing up their business.)
MAUVE
Tally-ho, will you give me cash for my annuity?
HALLWARD
I, too, have an annuity that I would like to cash in.
(MR. BALDHAWK pulls greasy bills from out of an old box.)
MR. BALDHAWK
Take your money and get out, you bums!
(They pocket the cash in striped vests.)
HALLWARD
I say, Mauve, what will we live on now?
MAUVE
Bons mots.
HALLWARD
Or, les mots justes.
(They skip out. WESTWARD HO comes in the open door.)
WESTWARD
Mr. Baldhawk?
MR. BALDHAWK
The time to cash in annuities is gone. Come back tomorrow.
WESTWARD
I am here on other matters.
MR. BALDHAWK
I see.
(He looks up, glinty.)
END OF PART V.
(WESTWARD is reading the letter. As he does so, the LAWYER stands behind
him. It is the LAWYER’s voice, bald and hawk-like, that we hear. THE
POSTMAN listens beneficently.)
LAWYER
Mr. Ho, it will no doubt come as a surprise that you mother is suing you. When I ran into her on the street, I knew instantly that she was not to be trifled with. In brief, she is suing you as a result of some documents posted on your blog, “Plays: Short and Strange.” Particularly, she objects to a series of plays entitled, “The Provinces,” and harbors similar objections regarding “Sunny Comes Back from the Provinces” and “Overheard Voices III.” It is Mrs. Ho’s contention that these play scripts either include her as a character, include her daughter---your sister---as a character, and/or are titled as though written by Mrs. Ho or her daughter. While the complainant takes no exception regarding the ultimate veracity of the depictions, she asserts that truth is a stretchy thing and that you have stretched it.
(The LAWYER exits.)
THE POSTMAN
A bad blow, Westward.
(WESTWARD wants to break a wooden spoon, but is powerless to do so.)
WESTWARD
(Angrily)
Was ever son so abused? Tell me, Postman; have you ever been sued by your mother?
THE POSTMAN
Once. It was a bitter business.
WESTWARD
Oh.
THE POSTMAN
She blamed me for some family deaths; but I was as heartbroken as she.
WESTWARD
Oh.
THE POSTMAN
I wish you well. We all have troubles.
(THE POSTMAN exits. Clank of the door. WESTWARD falls to his knees. He
lifts a wooden spoon aloft, but still cannot break it.)
END OF PART III.
(Drizzle. MRS. HO travels quickly down the street, her face concealed in thought.
A MAN, bald and hawk-like, rushes in from the other side. They knock into each
other.)
MRS. HO
You have ruined my hairdo!
THE MAN
My new hat!
MRS. HO
I burn with anger!
THE MAN
You will be sued!
MRS. HO
You will pay for my hairdo!
THE MAN
It is you who will pay dearly!
MRS. HO
Never!
THE MAN
But I am a lawyer!
MRS. HO
(Pause)
Then you must help me with my son.
(They conspire.)
END OF PART I.
