Monday, May 28, 2012

"Lazy Susan" by Westward Ho

            (Two dandies hurry through winding alleys.)
MAUVE
You have to see her.  She’s a sight.

HALLWARD
Apparently.

MAUVE
You think I’m mad.  This way, Hallward.  This way.

HALLWARD
But, Mauve?  After all these years:  why her?

MAUVE
You don't know my Susan.  Her trajectory is . . . unlike another.

HALLWARD
For your sake, I hope.

MAUVE
Brace yourself.

            (Lights come up on a turntable.  SUSAN sits in the middle of it.  Her dress is
            conservative, tasteful, lovely.  But she cannot hold it together.  She goes round
            and round.)

SUSAN
Diabolicum, joram, garlicum . . .

            (She vomits profusely.)

MAUVE
’See what I mean?

HALLWARD
Madam, I congratulate you on winning my friend.

            (SUSAN goes round and round.)

            THE END