Monday, March 5, 2012

"Strain" by Westward Ho

            (A WOMAN dirties up the place.  She is speaking to---I don’t know, someone.)

WOMAN
I think your problem is that everything is always too clean.  Too nettoyé, as the French might say.

---
Why would you --- ?

WOMAN
For your own good.  There’s something enticing, yes:  my movements, my discordant motherliness.  Get off that pillow, so I can rumple.  Promising, yes.  Set that dish aside; I'll smash it later.  But there’s too much of . . . or not enough ---

---
Of what?

WOMAN
I don’t ---

---
Restraint?

WOMAN
Certainly not!  If anything, it could be viler --- snappingly viler.  Restraint, no.  But strain . . .

---
Strain?

WOMAN
I don’t know against what.  Hand me that filth.

---
Look at me.  Look in my eyes.  Why don’t you choke on your --- ?

WOMAN
Really ---

---
And get the hell out of my salon!

WOMAN
            (Arched eyebrow)
Salon?

---
Parlor.

WOMAN
            (Arched eyebrow)
Parlor?  And you criticize my nettoyé?
            (Yawns)

---
Get the hell out!

WOMAN
            (Arched eyebrow)
My my.

---
            (Fuming)
I mean it.

WOMAN
The problem is that we’re here in the first place.

            THE END